There is little more heart-wrenching than a deep schism within one’s own family –– especially between parent and child. 

In the past few years, synagogues, schools, and institutions have strained under a growing divide between Zionist Jews and anti-Zionist Jews. Families are feeling the rupture too.

While For the Sake of Argument does not currently work directly with individual families, much of what we have learned about navigating disagreement over Israel can be useful around the family table. 

These arguments are rarely solely about the issue being debated. They can involve differences in knowledge, uneven skills for weathering difficult conversations, and deeply personal questions about Jewish identity and belonging. Within a family, all of that is layered onto years of history and emotion, too.

That complexity is precisely why we do not offer private family sessions. But the tools and techniques we teach to leaders and educators may be useful in your home, beginning with one of the most important lessons we’ve learned about disagreement.

1. Show that you’re willing to listen

One finding comes up repeatedly in For the Sake of Argument sessions, and is backed by research: receptiveness can be contagious. The more clearly one demonstrates they are open to learning from another person’s perspective, the more likely the other is to reciprocate.

The key word is demonstrate. 

Research by Julia Minson, a decision scientist and professor of Public Policy at Harvard Kennedy School, suggests that it is not enough to feel receptive. Other people need to be able to see and hear that receptiveness.

It’s important to clarify that receptiveness is not the same as agreement. You can learn about and understand the “other” perspective on Israel without embracing it as your own.

2. Use research to open the conversation 

In a family disagreement, demonstrating receptiveness might mean finding concrete ways to show you are genuinely interested in understanding what your loved one believes and why.

One place to begin is with our qualitative research on Jewish anti-Zionists.

Many Israel supporters who have read the report have told us that, while they did not necessarily emerge convinced by the people we interviewed, they better understood and empathized with them. We have also heard from Jewish Anti-Zionists who shared the report with their families and communities as a way of explaining themselves.

Consider reading it and then asking your child, do you recognize yourself in these stories? Then really listen to the answer.

3. Read across the divide

Another possibility is to form a family book club to learn about perspectives on Israel and Palestine that challenge your own.

Robbie Gringras, For the Sake of Argument’s co-director, recommends The Hundred Years' War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi for those struggling to understand the anti-Zionist point of view. It can be a difficult read for Zionist readers, but Khalidi is a serious writer who critiques Palestinian leadership too.

The next step matters just as much: choosing a book to read together from a Zionist perspective. One option we recommend is Yossi Klein Halevi’s Like Dreamers. Halevi’s book is a historical narrative with soul that traces the various ideologies that have shaped Israel since 1967.

The goal here is mutual receptiveness, with each person demonstrating a willingness to seriously engage with the other’s perspective.

4. Learn alongside other families

When we offer the Intergenerational Arguments workshop to communities, we encourage leadership to invite families to attend together — and when they do, we deliberately place family members in different groups.

That way, parents and children learn at the same time without being asked to work through their own family dynamics in the room. Each person can practice the tools of healthier disagreement alongside others, and then bring that learning back into the relationship.

We encourage you to speak to other families in your community. You may find they are navigating similar tensions. Consider bringing a few of them together and inviting For the Sake of Argument to lead a workshop. Families can learn together while working in separate small groups, creating space to build skills without putting their own family dynamics at the center of the session.

If you, like so many Jewish families, are grappling with this challenge, bring For the Sake of Argument to your community.

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